Some smart ass people are about to do some bad ass shit over on Mars. No, the people aren’t there. They’re here. But they designed, built and sent a thing over there and it’s pretty fucking cool. Curious? Watch this:

The lander has to go from 13000 miles an hour to zero in 7 minutes, all while anti-invasion cannons shoot lasers at it from the surface. Just kidding.

But damn. I mean, damn. That’s impressive stuff. And it’s real, too. It’s about to happen. Early Monday morning at 12:31 CST it’s scheduled go down. I’ll certainly be watching, assuming I don’t have any important dick jokes to tweet.

It’s all the more impressive because it happens without any control from Earth. Radio waves take 14 minutes to reach Mars so direct control is impossible. Instead we must rely on the on board computer to handle every step and decision during the process.

Previous rovers on Mars (The Spirit and the McConaughey) were landed using a pyramid of inflatable air bags that bounced along the surface until coming to rest, before deflating and releasing the robotic rovers to sniff about and pee on trees. It’s both a crude and elegant technique but isn’t feasible due to the weight of the Curiosity, which is about 2000 lbs. It’s about the size of a Mini Cooper, or one Chevy Suburban driver. It’s nuclear-powered, has six 20-inch aluminum wheels, all kinds of kickass cameras and sensors, an on board science lab, a laser for vaporizing rocks and a soft serve machine for any martians that want a refreshing treat. Despite all that, it still struggles with iTunes, like most computers.

It’s just plain fuckin’ awesome and I’m glad to be alive at a time when we can accomplish such things. I’m also glad to be alive in a time when I can get a General Tso’s Chicken lunch special for under seven bucks.

Check out Phil Plait’s excellent blog, Bad Astronomy, about space and science for more info, plus lots more goodies for space dweebs like myself.

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This guy drove a milk truck for 30 years. Now the left side of his face appears far more aged than his right. He’s only 66. (via GapersBlock.com)

Click the image to read the article. It’s called photo-aging, a result of longterm exposure to UVA rays. He hopes to surgically repair the left side of his face but he could also get a milk truck with the steering wheel on the right and work for another 30 years. That’s the solution I came up with.

I actually find the image kind of hard to look at, no offense to the gentleman in question. No doubt he’s a nice man. He delivers milk! How could he not be?

It’s a stark reminder of the inevitability of getting old and that youth is temporary. I inherited from my father a fear of old age and view my later years with dread. Friends dying, body falling apart inside and out, hope waning, pill organizers, smelling like wet burlap, falling asleep at bus stops, weird yellowed spatulas and cutting boards, etc.

Whelp, I’m off to buy sunscreen.

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