A strange moment happened during the AFC Championship between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New York Jets. Near the end of the game, Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall approached quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and did this:
What the hell was that?!?
I realize football players frequently pat each other on the ass as a sign of encouragement or affection or just as a simple reward for a job well done but this is taking that notion to a whole new level. It’s hard not to wonder what Mendenhall said to Roethlisberger in the few quick moments before he gave him the ole pound of chocolate. I’m guessing it was something like this, “You like pudding? You like pudding!? I’m gonna give you some pudding!” But I tend to make terrible guesses about such things.
Roethlisberger was almost certainly thinking, “So this is what that feels like.” (See, a while back he was accused of date raping somebody. Doesn’t mean he did it. Not at all. Or maybe he did. I wasn’t there. As the saying goes: Guilty until proven Super Bowl Champion)
There are a million football puns that could be said about this. Tight ends, wide receivers, lining up “in the slot”, “butt raping the quarterback for no apparent reason.” It’s too easy. I shall refrain.
And look, lets not cast aspersions. Until us regular people actually experience the feeling of winning a game and going to the Super Bowl we cannot know how we would behave in those glorious moments. For instance, I might run over to the sideline and titty-fuck one of the cheerleaders for a couple seconds. Or, and this is much more likely, I would go grab the big Gatorade cooler and dump it on the coach. But I mean the coach of the other team. He deserves it.
There’s that tradition where a player who just won the Super Bowl is asked, “Hey, you just won the Super Bowl. Where are you going?” and the player says, “I’m going to Disney Land.” But now, the answer will surely be, “I’m going to the inside of Ben Roethlisberger’s ass!” which is a new ride at Disney Land. True story.
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