This is hard for me to write about but I felt it important to get ahead of the story before the rest of the media picks it up and distorts the facts.
"She'll always be my Ken Doll." - Hank Thompson
The rumors are true. Kendra and I are officially over.
My first clue that this relationship might not work was when she ran around naked on TV for three years. I should have known better.
But truthfully I have no regrets. Kendra and I had a lot of great times and even though we’re no longer in each other’s lives I’ll always cherish the many many days I spent following her around while she giggled about things that confused her or made clicking noises.
I’ll never forget the first time she and I made eye contact. It was magical. She was wearing socks with a blue stripe around the top and a man’s necktie. Nothing else. She was trying to pop a balloon with a squirt gun without spilling her pina colada. The way the balloon moved delighted her in a way only a retarded child playing with a toaster could understand. I was getting ready to leave when she turned and looked right at me, just as I hit pause on the DVR. Our eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually just a few seconds because I wanted to avoid burn-in on my flatscreen even though I’m pretty sure that’s really not much of an issue anymore. I hit play, she looked away and then she became distracted by a large peacock that wandered by. Fifty Amish roofers couldn’t have pounded harder than my heart. As I watched her ass bounce away in pursuit of that terrified flightless bird I– I fell in love.
The bird didn’t want to be petted. But I sure did.
I will not be granting any interviews for the next month in order to collect my thoughts and catch up on some video games I’ve been meaning to play. Please respect my privacy.
And also listen to my podcast: www.WinnersAndLosersShow.com
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