I started this site because I don’t have enough distractions to keep me from enjoying life in the real world. Rather than solve any of my actual problems I’ve decided to add complexity and expense to my already barely-manageable existence. Thank you for taking part in my dysfunction.
Also, there’s just not enough websites on the Internet.
SuckProfessor.com will be my online presence, a place where I post… well, anything that interests me, whether it’s content I create or something on the Net that deserves a mention. I’ve been a fan of words, images, sound and video ever since I grew old enough to sit up without falling over and was placed in front of a television while my mother smoked cigarettes in the kitchen wondering how long she’ll have to wait to have another glass of that weird 80s protein shake. I had many babysitters as a child but I loved only one of them. Her name was Zenith. Now she’s Asian.
Where was I? Oh yeah– words, images, sound and video. All that shit. The Internet’s full of it. So am I.
It will be largely experimental, mostly because I have no idea what I’m doing but also because I like wearing safety goggles. Eventually I’ll hone in on a style that, hopefully, some people will find worth reading. My head is full of cocktail napkin designs for posts, pictures, skits, maybe even a podcast, anything I can do that’s fun, funny and leads to contined success in a career in comedy. This blog is a step toward achieving that.
Like many a blogger before me I am excited and energized. I feel like Red, aka Morgan Freeman, at the end of The Shawshank Redemption when he’s sets out to find his friend Tim, aka Andy Robbins.
“I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain.”
You know that shot where he’s leaning his arm and head out the window of a bus traveling through a Norman Rockwell painting? I feel like that. I feel like his face looks in that Maine sunshine. If my tongue were long enough I’d lap at the wind.
On the other hand, if what I’m about to do with my blog is anything like the experience of most bloggers I will abandon this site in about four months due to boredom and distraction. Then about six months after that I’ll write a post saying, “Sorry I’ve been gone. I’ve been busy with life. I’m going to start posting more. I promise.” And that will be it. More blogs exist with that final post than grains of sand in panties on prom night. It’s a common online epitaph.
I don’t expect much to come of this at first. Who in their right mind would want to visit this site ? (other than babes) But it will be a way to contribute to the cacophony of clicks that fills our modern air, like when crickets first started rubbing their back legs together.
Time to start rubbing.